Bacardi Won't Help This

Gurrgle gurrgle poprock what the fuck? don't stop.

I'm feeling particularly queer today.

I feel like I can't deal with things.

I have a great song that makes my life. I think Firework by Katy Perry should be added to the playlist about my life.

I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I would have liked to.

I also think You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift should be on there too. I may have just a lot of cred, but I don't care. Its true. Isn't that the point of all of this? Isn't that the point of everything? To get to truth. If I'm doing that. If I'm living that... why does it matter. Why do I think it matters? So many questions that I could actually spend hours trying to answer with no avail and without enough background knowledge to fully tackle every angle that would need to be.

I write more in stream of consciousness than I ever have before. I let things come to me. I write them down. It's simple, but it's also very difficult because I'm not always sure how I'm supposed to track my thoughts, or if I'm even having thoughts or if I'm just in some state where everything sort of flows out of me without reservation. I'm not entirely sure. I just know that this is calming. It makes me feel like I've done something. Or that I can look and say, "oh, well I didn't accomplish anything else, but I've gotten closer to myself."

That's the point of education. What's the point of education? How much does it actually prepare us. Does it actually prepare us? I know it helps us grow and discover, but I'm always wanting to question and always being afraid to, because...and that's the thing, I don't really know. i don't know why i don't question the way that I should or as much as I should. I just don't. It's really starting to frustrate me. I don't push myself. I need to push myself. Help me push myself. That was more of a note for myself. Now I'm never going to do it.

Oh well.

That just makes for more for me to write.

I'm constantly afraid that at some point I won't know what to do. I won't know how to function. I already don't know how to function.

I need to finish the novel I started. Or at least turn it into a novella. I want to work on that more. I'm going to try and spend most of November doing that. I think I'm really going to spend Thanksgiving doing that because I won't have a crazy amount of things to do. Or I shouldn't. So I should be able to spend a lot of time doing things that I want to.

I'm sort of excited for it.

I hope I'll actually do it.

I'm going to be a new character. His name is Aiden.