I'm going to post again tonight...possibly a short story while I'm taking a break from studying. Or at least I'm going to try. Oh. I should also say that I did have a great breakfast. I went to Andrea's and had a fantastic waffle. It was lovely. Everything is lovely.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Halloweekend
This was an absolutely great weekend. I had so much fun! However, I also didn't accomplish anything. Therefore, tonight is going to be very busy for me. I'm okay with that, though, because I did have such a great time and I do need to get to work. I need to get back in good habits. I know I say this a lot. This is probably the most mentioned thing in my posts. & I sort of feel bad about it, but I also really don't. I'm going to keep mentioning it and keep discussing it until I feel like its getting done. I know that I've been working so hard. I know that I've been doing my assignments and getting all the work done that needs to get done. I do my reading. I do my problem sets. I write as much as I can, when I can. I write my papers. I do my projects... I just feel like I'm never getting anything done. Even when I've gotten it all done. I feel like I'm never doing enough. Or that I should do less in other ways (like being social and having fun) so that I can focus more on other areas....but I also don't want to miss out on great opportunities and connections and networking and conversations and improving myself by experiencing different things. I focus way too much on my grades. I really do. I know that I want to go to grad school and I know what I want to do with my life. I just need to get good grades. I'm going to do that. I've been doing that. B's don't effing matter. If I get a B oh, fucking, well. ugh. I hate that I have this weird notion that I have to reach perfection in some way. But in actuality, I'm pretty great. I do so much. I work so hard. I live. I laugh. I love. I do the things that I'm supposed to do and yet I still feel empty. I still feel unfulfilled. This isn't how I'm supposed to feel. Is this Sophomore slump? Is it? I need to know. I need to talk to more people about this. I honestly feel like everyone I know is breaking down. I've been breaking down. Everything around me is breaking down and I don't know what to do. Everything is going well. I'm not dealing with the same things I was last year. I'm comfortable with myself... for the most part, and the fact that everything is fine and I'm not is really disconcerting. I don't know what to do. Actually though.
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